Simon Says

Okay I'm not normally the one to like put downs or anything like that
but when you're watching American Idol you can't help but laugh at some
of the things Simon says to the contestants. Here are just a few of the
funnies from this season so far. To make them even funnier you have to
say them with a British accent.

"We could have had breakfast, lunch, dinner, flew back to LA, come back
again and you'd have still been singing that song, it's like
never-ending."

"Sandie, I didn't understand a word of that ... literally [it was] like
some language I've never heard in my life."

Simon: "What normally happens when you sing in public, Deborah?"
Deborah: "I've had a few people cry."
Simon: "I can believe that."

"You sounded like Cher after she's been to the dentist."

"You are fabulous but it was the singing that was slightly
off-putting."

"Unfortunately, not a note is in tune."

"I have got no idea what this show is any more. I'm serious. I've got
you standing in front of me looking like some Easter Bunny nightmare
experiment."

"You look like one of those creatures that live in the jungle with
those massive eyes."

"What I wanted was apple pie on its own. Instead I've got apple pie and
a gallon of cream on top."

"I'm not sure I would have chosen a song saying 'I want to go home
tonight,' Elliott, not the smartest lyric in the world."

"It's like you've gone to Dolly Parton School the way you look
tonight."

But he can also dish out compliments:

"You walk in here with no confidence and no attitude and yet you are a
brilliant singer. . . . You are in the top 2% of good singers this
year."

"Alaina, I thought that was really, really, really great. I like you a
lot."

"I thought it was very good, excellent choice of song. Reminded me of
early Dionne Warwick, I thought."