Today's Funny

I got these from my mom and they are HILARIOUS...These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

3. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

4. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

5. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

6. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

7. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October! 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

8. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

9. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow.

10. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

And my absolute favorites:

11. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m.. Please use the back door.

12. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.